Red Betty Black

so this is the justification

2006-08-01T09:13:00.000-01:00

This extract, from an israeli newspaper today.

"So don't cry to me about civilian casualties. Cry to those using babies and wives and mothers; cry to those who store weapons in mosques, ambulances, hospitals and private homes. Cry to those launching deadly rockets from the backyards of kindergartens and schools. Cry to the heartless men who love death, and however many of their troops or civilians die, consider themselves victorious as long as they can keep on firing rockets at our women and children.

Save your sympathy for the mothers and sisters and girlfriends of our young soldiers who would rather be sitting in study halls learning Torah, but have no choice but to risk their precious lives full of hope, goodness and endless potential, to wipe out the cancerous terrorist cells that threaten their people and all mankind. Make your choice, and save your tears.

That terrorists have been unsuccessful in killing more of our women and children is due to our army, God and prayers, not to any lack of motivation or intention on their part. If you hide behind your baby to shoot at my baby, you are responsible for getting children killed. You and you alone."

So this is the justification for bombing ambulances, this is the propaganda fed to the israeli public to wash their hands of the atrocities their army are committing. their tv stations don't show the damage, the only references in the newspapers to Qana are 'well it cant have been us, we bombed it hours before the time the houses were meant to have collapsed so they should have had the good sense to get out'.

Also, the Israeli are claiming that they are innocent of civilian bloodshed because they dropped a bunch of leaflets warning them that soon they were coming to bomb them. So then it becomes their responsibility to abandon everything they have and get out of there.

What they don't mention is how they bombed a school in Tyre that was being used as a refuge for civilians who had already evacuated their bombed out homes. So what, more leaflets, more running? for how long? and where to? keep running in your own country so that an attacking army can say that it's ok to bomb so long as they drop some bits of paper out of the plane at the same time.
warning my ass.
I can't believe that this stuff is actually being swallowed by a supposedly free-thinking country, it smacks so strongly of the mindlessly brainwashing propaganda that was used throughout Nazi Germany - something along the lines of 'Jews are evil and eat their own babies, they are monsters and we, the clean living precious Aryans are laying aside our lederhosen, stopping our happy frolicking and yodelling in the mountains to rid the world of this evil scourge.
deja vu. and look where that ended up.
the bit that gets me the most is this:
"to wipe out the cancerous terrorist cells that threaten their people and all mankind"

Who exactly is threatening their people? Do the Israelis actually think they are doing the Lebanese a favour? And we, the rest of the world, should thank them for cleansing the planet of those bad, nasty children at Qana. terrorist cells, obviously.

every day i read the news and it leaves me galled.

junk food cravings

2006-07-28T20:42:00.000-01:00

Generally I'd say I am a pretty health-food orientated kinda gal; the photos are a dead giveaway. You know, i got the gender-typical chocolate love down, ice cream and pizza and my girl make for a pretty satisfying saturday night and I'm never one to snub a bacon and egg sarnie over a hangover but more generally, my fridge is jammed with greener goodies: cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, white nectarines and fresh peas.
But then, this evening, i was hit by a craving more intense than any i have previously experienced. I realised that I have a junk-food-kryptonite like no other. Not one, but two junk foods in a killer punch-kick combination.
Niknaks (nice and spicy flavour, goes without saying) immersed in a foil carton of chinese crispy beef. yep. you mix it in, and so long as you're eating with a spoon or chopsticks, it's an exciting taste explosion of unidentifiable chewy or crunchy delight.

love it.
it's the new food revelation.

vintage cuban

2006-07-14T07:38:00.000-01:00

june foodism

2006-06-19T07:31:00.000-01:00

fantastic news!

2006-06-13T19:53:00.000-01:00

fantastic!
Originally uploaded by red betty black.

This just in: dreams across the country are coming true as Angelina announces shock split from the father of her newborn baby Piloh Shitt..(oops, typo) So anyway, Angelina admitted what we all suspected all along, that she is in fact predisposed.
Red Betty Black reckons it wont be long until Ms Jolie gets another cover on Diva, but hopefully Ms Black will be joining her for a dual photoshoot to promote the lesbian cause. And you didnt know the corrs were that way inclined either, huh?

Ay Me

2006-05-17T07:20:00.000-01:00
Ye Gods, thanks for this lovely weather we're having. no seriously. I know that there's global warming and droughts and all, but gee shucks, it's so spiffy, all this cloud.
I think I'm going to go and scramble some superorganic free range totally unbattery local eggs.
Anyone wanna come to Cuba in June? Thomas Cook, 14 nights 4* all inc (during the world cup, of course) only about 500 of your finest english pounds. yeah.

Dear blog

2006-05-08T19:05:00.000-01:00
Dear Blog,

It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry. I just can't commit to you anymore in the way you have come to need. I... I guess I just found somewhere more fulfilling, somewhere that accepts me for who I am.
And, well, with the exception of Minty, who is devoted, nobody really acknowledges us anymore. i know, i don't need the definition of other people to make this relationship work, but it helps. Y'know.

Now, I'm not saying it's over. I just wanted to explain why you've been feeling neglected. i still love you, really i do. i just need space sometimes.

Hope you understand.

RBB

xxx

The Dirty Red Ball

2006-04-20T06:18:00.000-01:00

well, gosh this was the most fun night out i've had in ages. I didn't think a night out in London where the vibe was actually better than Gurlesque would be possible, but here you have it ladies: Dirty Red. I need to go out with see-through clothes on more often, i reckon.

gorgeous women on the internet

2006-03-28T20:47:00.000-01:00
Ok, so it's been months. but you know, better late than dead and all.
hey - my girl got herself a place!
so if anyone's still out there, get yourselves over and say heylo!

righty. ho.

the lowdown since whenever. i bought a new camera. fuck only knows where it is, it was internet order. sodding internet shopping is causing my plastic meltdown - it's way too easy to kick back here, L Word on tv and chocolate on the side of the sofa and hit retail therapy hard. i spent £600 in one night without leaving my living room. dude. that's messed up. but necessary i feel, given that my manager is a moronic vulture who likes nothing better than to push my head back under everytime i start to think i'm learning to swim. schyaaa, that was all metaphorical, in case anyone thinks i'm working in some weird aquastore or something. did i mention i hate my job right now? and all the corporate oppression that means i cant paint my nails or dye my hair or wear pink eyeshadow or have mendhi or wear red socks or my watch or my necklace or my fucking mind. but anyway...
my cousin had two birthday parties for her different groups of friends. she's 6. and i managed to muster 5 people for mine, two of whom i had never met before. do you know how many different ways this sucks?
still, on Friday i will be making my debut on the london club scene dressed as Christina Aguilera, next month is the Dirty Red Ball where I plan to sleaze it up in style and i finally (this is continued from the previous post) got to a point where i feel i can make legitimate new year's resolutions. and well, hey, someone said that they make new year's res on the eve of their birthdays and that makes sense to me. so this is what i resolved on the train today: to start writing again.
wahoo. spent too long avoiding/excusing this, and well, my gf is no longer an option. rather than hike my ass to the gym every time she sits down to write, well, i figure i could use the structure. and who knows, it may work, it may be bollocks, but this is what i felt like today.
ok, i'm kinda both done and not even started so i'm gonna go to bed so that i can function tomorrow. not that i want to function. roll on weekend. roll on retirement. fuck.

happy new year!

2006-01-03T10:10:00.000-01:00

synchronisation

2005-12-13T21:52:00.000-01:00
Red Betty Black's Theory About Periods.

you know how when you get chicks together their periods synchronise? this is God's Gift to Lesbians. can you imagine how annoying it would be if a couple had to cope with periods for two weeks out of every month? I mean, me and my housemate are bad enough, but if sex was an issue too, it would just make PMT so much more... T. Hence the fact that my girl and I are in time, rather than my flatmate and I, despite the fact that I live with my flatmate not my girlfriend. This in itself is an issue.

10 reasons why gay marriage is forbidden

2005-10-21T13:43:00.000-01:00
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things
like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal
standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all;

women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is
still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed;
the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be
destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples,

infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our

orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents
only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the

values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have
only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at
home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise
children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt
to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the
service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

nailbiting

2005-09-09T09:59:00.000-01:00
england 373 all out...

bring it on!

ashes are so totally ours.

*says a wee prayer*

and stephen harmison DOES rock. tailender, just scored 3 4s in a row, bringing us up by 20. sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. which, after Giles's 32, makes things look pretty special.

hey, this is a good way to spend my last day before starting the new job: am packed to move to the smog, am being taken out for dinner negating all need to cook, have had a haircut and all that and well, i plan to spend the whole of the rest of the day eating peanuts and getting slowly pissed watching the test.
yeah.

ninjamuslims

2005-09-06T13:56:00.000-01:00
hey, check it out, my last two posts were about islam too. and i was all for posing my current rankling question about why it's ok for muslims in arab countries to abuse tourists with bare shoulders for their oversight on local cultural norms but expressing the equivalent discomfort about burkas being worn in the uk is racism buuuuuuuuuut i wont.
instead i'll talk about...

cats.

cats are nice.
furry.

magic carpets

2005-08-23T13:23:00.000-01:00
Y'know,I was quite worried about coming to the Middle East. I thought maybe there would be muslims and stuff. and that some of them might try to incite me to fundamentalism and terrorism and carrying backpacks and stuff.
but y'know what? this is aleppo and it's bloody fantastic. not a carbomb in sight. the people are friendly, i have been given more free stuff from a couple of mates i made in Aleppo uni than i know what to do with, they've fed me awesome food and taken me around Aleppo to all the most interesting spots. One of them has just taken my dad to a turkish bath.
and they aren't even after my wirginity! no camels being offered, no lechery, just genuinely interesting and friendly people.

go figure.

incidentally,the dead sea is a weird weird sensation.

research project

2005-08-11T20:21:00.000-01:00
y'know, i heart Nick Griffin. He's a person 'just like me', striving for a better britain. now, i'm not gonna link that because i can't be arsed to send any traffic his way, but for those of you who don't know him in that special way i do, Nick runs a political party in the UK that aims to help people like you and me understand why Islam is 'a threat to us all'. But he is quick to add that he isn't an islamophobe like nasty Tony Blair. Oh no. in their own countries they can do what they like. but yet Tony Blair's pants are on fire because he says that islam is a religion of peace. Nick knows his stuff - this is a BARE FACED LIE. But Tony is mean and wants to bomb out the whole of the middle east.

Now. Nick, I really do go for you, you know that. I mean, sure, I'm a light green gay chick who doesnt think that the new Mosque being built in Cardiff is a 'symbol of domination' and I do feel that the emphasis of news stories on your website where three evil evil black men attacked an innocent white woman is probably missing the issue a little, but i still care. but it's probably because i'm a treehugging hippy. whatevs.

But i am confused about what you are trying to tell me here. Y'know? Tony Blair is a liar, sure. But you tell me he lies about Islam being a peaceful religion but then you're the one coming out all shiny on it while he's bombing the evil arabs.

Anyways, am off to do my own research in Arabland. I will send you a postcard.

Incidentally, why do you have this nobbish poster in your political website merchandise section?

sound advice

2005-08-08T11:48:00.000-01:00

sickr

2005-08-06T18:57:00.000-01:00

flickr's not working. it's been down all day. i know this because i started checking it at 8 am this morning and continued sporadically throughout and now it's 9pm and still nothing. come to think of it, it was a bit ill yesterday too.

you have no idea of the trauma this is causing me. for reals. i mean, it's not like i have friends or a life or anything outside my camera.

know what? am just gonna have to post a bunch of photos here instead. and that's so not what this is about. it's also not as easy and i'll just whack em up on flickr when it returns. but because flickr wasnt working i went OUTSIDE and took photos. just to help me through the pain, y'know?

but what if it doesnt return? what am i going to do???

the horror. it doesn't bear thinking about. i don't really think you'd understand. well, boud would probably get it. and maybe leigh and monkey

but no-one feels my pain RIGHT NOW.

sob.

oompa loompa

2005-08-05T07:50:00.000-01:00

long hair, check.

glasses, check.

wan complexion, check.

slightly insane, check.

crazy high pitched voice and unnervingly girlish laugh, check.

tendency towards the packing of fudge, check.

your conclusion.

travelling

2005-08-04T14:58:00.000-01:00
yesterday i climbed mount kilimanjaro before dawn, went back to sydney and caught up with some friends, did Fraser Island and dived the Engala. Then i went on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, walked along the Great Wall of China, took in the terracotta warriors before having a smorgasbord near a fjord and watching the Aurora Borealis. and now I may well be off to trundle around Maya ruins before slamming a few tequilas in Cancun.

shit dammit i wish i wish i wish i had won that sodding £77 million on the lottery last weekend. i even bought a ticket, for about the second time in my life. and all of these ubercool trips are out of my reach right now. gah. a day trawling travel brochures and dealing with the cowboys that are STA and still nothing.
pah.

commando betty

2005-08-03T08:29:00.000-01:00
why do i do this to myself? ok, so my job is currently arse boring. this morning, i poured myself out of bed into running gear, hit the road for a half hour, came back, showered and realised i was running late. so I donned the first skirt i found, which happens to have a metal zip to the hip. and black stilettoes and a low cut red top (just for clarity of your mental picture). i look hot. cope.
i also forgot to wear underwear. ok, so *forgot* isn't quite how it happened, it's just i was running late and well.. these things occasionally slip my mind. you know how it is.

i just got asked if i was working in a lapdancing club.

and now that i have perfected my slut-secretary look i am haunted by sordid images of Maggie Gyllenhaal. horny horny horny.

but i am already contravening a billion office policies by blogging, i reckon furtive porn searches or workwanking would not go down too well. i gotta content myself with filthy thoughts.

every 6 seconds or so.

jeez, having a job sucks.

2005-08-02T17:39:00.000-01:00
girls! kissing! yaaaaaaaaaaay!

ok ok, so this is totally gratuitous titillation to woo you blogwhores to me. and you know, if nothing else will do it, i reckon girls kissing is a winner, non?
winner anyway.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

going blonde

2005-08-02T07:10:00.000-01:00
seriously, what is it about pastel? it's fucking with my head. today, i got out of bed, facing a relatively normal day. and i decided to wear a skirt in celebration of the half-assed sun we're having. so i teamed that with a cute pair of purple strappy heels, a baby blue slash neck top and then somehow grabbed the candyfloss pashmina on the way out. here i have to add that i didn't buy this, it was a gift from my girlfriend because she's not vom-inducingly cute like wot i am. haha. i also have to add that i do love it because it distracts people from the dyke crop and rippling six pack i got going on. ok, so i lied about the six pack. in fact, if i could be arsed, i would have done one of those crossy out html doodas that nads is embracing. but i didn't, can't, don't care. shut up yeah.
anyway. pastel. stop distracting me.
candy pink, powder blue, a little bit of bleach in my hair and i've dropped about 100 IQ points. i just nearly walked into a hanging basket while attempting to walk and apply sparkly DiorKiss lipgloss at the same time. man, it sucks being stupid.
anyway, i gotta get back to ~~filing my nails~~ doing something really intellectually stimulating. actually i'm photocopying. shit you not.
mwah mwah.

newsflash

2005-07-31T19:08:00.000-01:00
Beauty salons across London have reported a devastating drop in profits since the Metropolitan Police started doing Brazilians for free.

ok, ok, sick joke. i know it. but just imagine what pictures i could have put with it and realise my restraint.

it's all fucked, hey.

i'm gonna go on a tangent here.. again, indulge me. i know, you're thinking 'so fucking what?'. i know this because even my gf has admitted to doing that at certain bollocks blogs, and well, it doesn't get more rock bottom than my inspired bullshit. but anyways. RBB is checking out. again. you know, you love it, you've been with me half way back from around the world. you do you do you do. and now i have just over a month before i start The Job. I am not a shelfstacker, i am not a shelfstacker, i am not a shelfstacker. hmmm... methinks RBB doth protest too much. bollocks.
ah fuck it, people, who's coming on holiday? I wanna go next week, and i don't really give a toss where. ok, so ideally i wanna come back to Sydney, but it'll just hurt too much right now. so up for grabs are Mozambique, Mexico and... Melksham? nah, maybe scrub that last one. but you get my point. i wanna go away and in some inexplicable break from tradition, i am on the hunt for a travel buddy. but then, maybe i'll just go solo again if i can't persuade anyone in the next week. let me know..

2005-07-26T07:45:00.000-01:00
this is all i want to say about today. the nacho knows.

2005-07-20T11:43:00.000-01:00
yeah, felt like chuckin this one up cos it not of flickr. yet. that may change next time i get bored, but y'know tomorrow i have work *gasp*. So, any of y'all in Cardiff tomorrow feel like coming to Debenhams i can give you a makeover. boys too, eh.

2005-07-20T11:32:00.000-01:00
today's photo. i think i may turn this into a photo blog, when i have the chance. so, a little out of date, but only a week old, this is Winchester Cathedral. Reflected in the sunglasses of my mate Erika. Who is True Blue, but over here for summer. Hooray!

selection

2005-07-20T11:24:00.000-01:00
Just got back from a 2 day selection centre. Can't tell you what for, that would be giving too much away, but one of our challenges was to get a postcard

and cut a hole in it big enough for a person to step through. step through as in get their whole body through it.

so, i pass on the challenge. you can't use tape/glue or anything, just a pair of scissors and one postcard.

i love these team building things. so much cheesy motivational stuff. last selection centre i went to we had to come up with an advert for the Multie - a tie that changes to co-ordinate with your outfit. and we had to use Bohemian Rhapsody as our feem choon.
maybe i should get a job in HR and move into selection centre organisation...

toby didn't die.

2005-07-16T16:06:00.000-01:00
On June 30 2005, Toby was meant to die. But he didn't.
His life has been prolonged to November 6th 2006, in the name of mercenariness. Is that a word? whatevs..

Anyway, the point is this, we all KNEW it was totally mercenary to put a ransom on a poor bunny's life, but I don't believe that those guy's will actually kill that bunny if they don't meet the target by the given date anymore. Faith lost. Therefore, what is the point?

I feel cheated.

alert.. alert...

2005-07-15T18:45:00.000-01:00
hey, check it out, we've gone from Bert, to Bert-Ernie!

ooooooooh.

stepford

2005-07-15T18:34:00.000-01:00
Today i went to a new world. serious, it was like suburbia only magnified, intensified into something bordering on scary: Parc Seymour.
Average age of the residents is about 74. every lawn is groomed, every flowerborder co-ordinating. i got on the bus and didnt have the right cash, so the driver chatted to me, took me to town, let me off somewhere he shouldn't, waited until i'd hit a cashpoint and then charged me a kid's rate. i saw him again a while later and he tooted his horn. OK, all you cityfolk, WHEN does this ever happen in real life?

and then, on the bus, people talked to each other. people who had never met and were unlikely to see each other again. smiling. chatting. catching each other's eye, and not in a 'i'm a nutjob about to steal your bag' kinda way. scary...
this one guy asked me why i was going to Parc Seymour, given that I was 50 years too young. I told him I was going to visit my Nan. He commented that I would probably get sandwiches cut into triangles, a bit of cake and tea served in a cup with a saucer.

I got sandwiches cut into triangles, a bit of cake and tea served in a cup with a saucer. because everybody who lives in Parc Seymour is the same.

Random people said hello to me.

And the whole place smelled curiously of cucumber and lavender.

I also saw Tony Parry. Now, Tony Parry used to drive a greengrocer's van around my neighbourhood when I was about 5. Y'know, like in Postman Pat, a little van that cruises around the houses and brings fresh fruit and veg.
Tony Parry still drives that van. He goes to my nan's. He even brings her order in and puts it in the fridge for her. He smiled at me, said hello, didn't for a second equate tousleheaded superchick with the 5 year old that he used to have to help climb up into his van because she really liked the smell of cardboard and fresh fruit. He looks the same though. Bit older, bit greyer, but essentially the same.

This place cannot be real. there is no real place like this, except maybe one of those miniature villages like the Borrowers squatted in.

maaaaan, i need to get off the pills.

back by popular request

2005-07-13T14:41:00.000-01:00
i'm sorry. no really, i am. i have been neglectful. well, whatevs, i'm back now.

hug me.

so, i can tell you're all just gagging to know where i've been and expecting tales of adventure, danger and sexual frisson.

first off, i haven't left the country again. still here.

second, i still don't have a job. go figure.

BUT, it has been an interesting couple of weeks. y'know, i didnt want to come on here and gloat and brag and act all smug about Glastonbury, i really didnt. I wouldnt do that. so i didnt mention it. just one of those mostawesomeweekendspossibleeverever kinda affairs. low key, y'know? i wont mention how i bounced along to the Basement Jaxx, how fizzly Ms Manson gets me, the joys of flooding and mudding and trying to squeeze two people into a sleeping bag. or pear cider and people on stilts and the Goldie Lookin Crew.
hey, i might even post a pic or two, just so you can get a feel for it.

and then... what then? oh yeah, couple more interviews n stuff, met up with some chickybabe from Perth, arranged to go to London for the day to see the new Frida Kahlo expo, London blew up.

all ok here. so far, everyone i know also ok. hope you are too.

so after all that manic chasing of friends to make sure they were safe, i had a couple of mates over and spent a rather filthy sunday nekkid in my garden.
*was that too much info??*

naaah, too much info would be blogging the pics i took, hey. hehe..

anyways, now it's the middle of July. What are YOU up to?

nothing to be done.

XXXXXXXXXX

oh, the laffs

2005-06-15T11:35:00.000-01:00
Just thought i'd like to express my utter utter hilarity at this lil gem that found itself into my mailbox today.
Now, I know we all think our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends are complete nobheads, but this really takes it.
The guy who went out of his way to fuck up a relationship I was in is now auctioning himself for £100 a date. An ULTIMATE date. Jeez, I'm feeling a bit honoured that I was on the receiving end of his sleaze-treatment for free! And to think that I thought paying £500 to have him kneecapped was a little out of my budget.

heartbreak voyeurs

2005-06-15T07:34:00.000-01:00
Shhhhhhhh....

Ever wanted somewhere to scream your secret? Wanted to tell but felt stupid or ashamed? Those people at postsecret know everything, every skeleton in every closet. And they're sharing them with the world.
It's a beautiful idea.

The one that really gets me was posted March 5 2005. It's by someone who wasn't killed on September 11. But EVERYONE who knew them before then thinks they are dead.

So what's your secret?

I've been thinking about this and realised that there is virtually nothing that nobody knows about me. and that feels pretty good actually.

2005-06-14T09:59:00.001-01:00
bring it on

2005-06-14T09:59:00.000-01:00
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2005-06-14T09:58:00.002-01:00
wheelie

2005-06-14T09:58:00.001-01:00
punjabi dancing

2005-06-14T09:58:00.000-01:00
samba!

2005-06-14T09:57:00.001-01:00
tiny tot

2005-06-14T09:57:00.000-01:00
ere be dragons

2005-06-14T09:55:00.000-01:00
i see you baby

why me?

2005-06-06T12:41:00.000-01:00
Today, in my trawl through yet more graduate job seeker magazines, I came across an article about how guerilla internet search tactics on employees are causing trouble - some chick lost her job because she slated her company on Friends Reunited and some guy had a blog parody of life as a Waterstones employee and he got fired too.
That must suck.
So, Mr Guerilla Employer, if you have managed to trace me here and have the balls to actually use the guff that I churn out on a not-so-regular basis as an indication of what I would actually be like as one of your worker drones, here is some food for thought:

I have a 2.1 Honours Arts degree from one of the best universities in the world.

My name is not actually Red Betty Black and I would not require that on my nametag.

I have raced in a number of international and high profile varsity events including the Commonwealth Games. Incidentally, not only am I a varsity cox, demonstrating my admirable leadership and team skills, I was called upon to be Women's Captain of Boats for my college when the current captain had a crisis and had to leave. Through a great personal investment of time and energy, we maintained the Headship, creating a new record. And the squad of novices that I happened to be coaching at the same time did ok too, thanks for asking.

I am prepared to work hard, I learn fast and want to progress and do well. It's a two way process. You give me the opportunities and the support and I will be there, champing at the bit to get further up.

As demonstrated by my outstanding academic record, achievements in coxing, experiences in sales and my (ok, admittedly recently neglected) blog, I have excellent verbal and written communication skills. I am motivated, enthusiastic and determined to succeed.
I want that job. You know who you are, you whose application i went to fill out the other day and found that you already know a disconcertingly big brotherish amount about me (a trivial point this, but I am pretty sure you are treading a tight Data Protection Act line there).

So, if you happen to be reading this while considering me for interview, I hope that RBB keeps you entertained. Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Mwah mwah.

crisis averted

2005-05-24T13:33:00.000-01:00
I bought some and all is right in the world. well, world RBB anyhoo.

I think, to celebrate, we should all do a little dance.

if you can't dance, LEARN!

world of RBB is offline

2005-05-19T08:34:00.000-01:00
don't ask.

2005-05-18T06:49:00.000-01:00
this really cracked me up. but i don't spose it would if you were there.

bashing

2005-05-17T15:44:00.000-01:00
betty feels poorly. please send flowers.

ok, so that was unnecessary and hell, i have a rapidly being fought off cold and that's not actually what I want to blog about. I don't even want to tell you what i ate today (peanut butter, pink grapefruit, more cereal, canned soup, chocolate milk, lots of throat sweets).
i want to tell you a little story.
SO you're wandering along the street, holding hands with someone you are crazy about. you've just rented a dvd (Better than Chocolate, FYI) and bought Ben and Jerry's ice cream (cherry garcia.. mmmm pie). it's balmy, summery eveningish and you aren't really thinking about much apart from how cute she is and how much you are looking forward to curling up in bed with a tub and two spoons and vegging the night away.
and then some cunt comes and shatters the mood because they are looking for a fight and the fact that you happen to be minding your own business is utterly irrelevant. suddenly, what matters is that the person you happen to be holding hands with is the same gender as you and you stand to get the crap beaten out of you for that.
so, i did the sane thing. blanked her, walked away, ignored her shouting insults after us. i know this is the only rational reaction, because fuck, my life is worth more than turning up to a really important job interview or risking my girl getting hurt because i dont want to take some shit from a streethanging lowlife. but since then i have been quietly seething about it. why should i have to put up with shit like this? i mean fuck, i am very very good at not rising to bait when i know that i'm not going to win this. my brother is 6 years older than me and a lifetime of being wound up over stupid shit has taught me to chill out. but this... this Pisses Me Off.
so was I right? or would i have been totally within my rights to have turned around, caught her eye and winked a split second before i bust her jaw with a right hook?
i don't like hitting chicks. i box, and sometimes that's the nature of the game but at least then you're on a level footing. this chick would have stuck a knife in my back if she'd had one, but she doesnt understand the nature of serious rage combined with a fair amount of training in a boxing ring and a certain level of mass protective instinct.
i am still seething.

boredom

2005-05-12T18:24:00.000-01:00
So. Kath and Kim have finally made it to the UK, as of tonight on Beeb2. yey! it can't be long before John Safran follows! here's hoping anyway. but in the meantime, learn how to knit a clanger. Courtesy of that venerated institute of learning, the University of Leicester. Now, if Oxford did stuff like that I certainly didnt come across it. How disappointing. Also note how the knitting instructions actually come from Oliver Postgate himself. he invented the clangers. cool. and if you don't know what clangers are, educate yourself here. Off you go.

2005-05-07T19:17:00.000-01:00
fun things to do in May..

yeah, so today me and my best buddy climbed into this here ball and rolled down a hill. battered and bruised, but jeez it beats mowing the lawn of a saturday afternoon.

2005-05-06T17:38:00.000-01:00
yeah, so yesterday was the electyon. i voted for someone else than Bliar. Bliar won. nobody was surprised.

people are so great

2005-04-28T09:07:00.000-01:00
This fantastic woman called Pixl A Shun just gave me a Pro Account on Flickr. I don't know her, didnt do anything special for her (ok, that sounds filthy) but she just upgraded me because she liked my pictures. Made my day! yeah baby.. so now i have loooooads of space to put my snaps.
maybe i could be a photographer? maybe i could be papal photographer to Nadly.

thanks for the suggestions, kids. i liked the penetration one. i think my girlfriend might have issues with me renting my holes out for people to put their willies in though. hell, i might have issues with that. even if they do pay you for your hospitality. y'know, it doesnt really work like hotels though do you. i mean in hotels, you want comfort, hygiene, warmth and all that. but when, straight ladies, has a guy ever said that next time he'd like a bit more space? or a better view? or a minibar?! ah, the world of the het man is a strange one to me.
sex toy tester. i had indeed forgotten that. you can also blame said girlfriend. but i like your thinking; i was considering opening a business and i think that i maybe the only person to have the balls to open a really supertrendy sex toyshop around here. hmm.. i'm not sure this city would support it. i really do think that Sydney is just begging for one. i mean, guys, the Tool Shed? so sleazy. I want a by girls-for girls toy shop. not much in the way of outfits, but associated with Gurlesque, Gallery 44, Slit Magazine and other stuff. .. drifting into fantasy.
for the third time, however, this plan not so likely because of my girl. she never been to Sydney, and while I know she'd love it, it's a long long way from home for most people to consider. we'll see.

ok, pubic topiarist. is that not just known as a waxer?? and not something i wanna be doing. i have problems with the odd ingrown hair and have now quit waxing in favour of the razor. maybe i should ask Fits..

sooooo. job interviews coming up! one with De Havilland as news correspondent, one with the Chamber of Shipping as publicity and media guru and one with someone i dont know as media analyst. and maybe one with Pink Fish food PR company. i think that is an omen. Pink - I am gay, have been mistaken for pink before (my hair was bleached), had pink hair, my car is pink, my college was pink. And Fish - I am a Pisces. It's gotta be a sign. no really.

aah, shut up, yeah?

stuff

2005-04-21T10:54:00.000-01:00
ok, so there has again been blog neglect of late. some of you might be so naive as to think this is because i have better things to do. au contraire - it's because i have SO very little else to do that i spent enough time at my computer to make me blind. again, there are much better ways to make myself go blind, i reckon.
and yes, you may also be thinking that it's because betty is loved up and heartsick because the girl in question is miles away.

ok, so that part's totally true.

but anyway.

i need a job. let's play What Red Betty Would Be Awesome At AND Able to Get.

any ideas, anyone?

hope for us all

2005-04-13T19:08:00.000-01:00
I just heard about Brenna Simonds. She's one of the ones who got saved apparently, and is now part of a Boston ministry for people struggling with same sex attraction.

She has had some pretty intense girl girl relationships and then bang - the godsquad hit her. she read bits of the Bible that apparently made it very clear that she couldnt be with a woman sexually and be a Christian because it's wrong, so she decided that it was a man or nothing.
wow.

Now, I am not Christian. soooo, i am unsure how to respond to this. Part of me has serious respect for this chick, who gave up the lust for girls because of a stronger faith. Part of me thinks she's a crackpot and there is a huge part of me that wants to batter her senseless for being so naive as to think that it was all because of some kind of sexual abuse that made her scared of men and having faced her fear God showed her the light and it was all ok. But still. Wow.

happy anniversaire

2005-04-12T07:41:00.000-01:00
April 12. crazy. that makes it almost exactly one year since I (reluctantly, gotta add) landed in Perth, departing South East Asia. And I really didn't wanna come. I thought it would suck, especially seeing as it meant that I wouldnt be working for Aki Ra in Siem Reap. And leaving some of the most beautiful places I had ever been to start working and stuff in an English speaking country. Ha. SO naive. I turned up in Perth, went to Fremantle to stay with some chick I met in Thailand and had me the best Croatian Easter ever. And then I made that fateful journey to Sydney and now I am heartbroken and homesick because I am 12000 miles away from the only place that has ever felt like I fitted. I miss you all with an ache that can only draw me back one day. *holds a breath*

electyon

2005-04-06T15:06:00.000-01:00
righty. May 5 then. and choice is realistically between slimey tory spitting image puppet we currently have as prime minister and another equally disingenuous tory who is trying to maintain the Tory party's position as further right than Labour.
Little known fact: the word 'Tory' is a derivative of Gaelic tóraidhe. Meaning robber, thief, cocktard. Ok, so i made that last one up. it stands.
And the only other candidate in with spitting chance is a jovial scotsman who has had one too many to actually make realistic policies. I like Charlie Kennedy, I really do. He is optimistic and idealistic and has almost thought out some fantastically appealing politics. But, 3rd party downfall, it's easy to throw stones when you don't actually have to deal with the fact you could have to really carry out your promises.
Back to the other two then. Like lil Johnny Howard, we know Blair is a scut who has lied and will do it again. But if the other option is Mickey Howard? y'know, i'm totally geared up for this. i even have my PolichicksVavavooom handbag fromthe delectable Ms. Fits. Yep, they shipped it internationally and everything. love. it.

But I STILL DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO COCKING VOTE!!

someone give me an 8 ball..

2005-04-05T21:10:00.000-01:00
I totally wish I had taken this picture. Jeez, I wish I had even been there. There are lots of things i say that about, sure, but how damn cool...

chas n cammy

2005-04-05T06:26:00.000-01:00
So, the pope has poped his clogs and now Chas n Cammy have to get married on Saturday instead. Poor loves. It's not looking great for them, hey? First they can't get married where they want to, because they don't want anyone else to copy their idea and try to get married in Windsor Castle too. then Chas's mum throws out some transparent and shit excuse for why she won't be there (can't possibly, I'm Defender of the Faith daaahling) and now the Pope goes and really cocks things up. God. (!) You can just imagine the quarrels. It's not like the Popesquad thought about how their having the funeral on Friday would like, totally fuck up the guestlist. I mean, it's not just Chas who has a duty to pay his respects, Tony and Cherie have to be there along with loads of other rilly important people. It's so unfair. And then there's all the hardworking people trying to cash in on the whole thing by selling teatowels and mugs and now they're all out of date! Could bankrupt a small business. Or alternatively, the prices of 8th April memorabilia could skyrocket.. Either way, the funeral has really inconvenienced the whole affair quite a lot.

Don't think you would've seen Henry VIII acting with such deference to old Popey, non?

GLASTONBURY!!

2005-04-03T09:55:00.000-01:00
The best reason ever to get up at 8am on a Sunday morning: Glastonbury tickets went on sale at 9am this morning.. AND I GOT SOME!!!!!!!! hooray! so, me, my girlfriend and our mums (eeeK!) will be hitting the mudfest in June. and yes, it was a cocking nightmare to get tickets. keep watching this space to find out if the fuckers reject my applicatyon after all. but still, 4 tickets, a tent and a camera and well, it's looking fantabulous. most excited about:

Mr Butler and his mates
these plasticboy loving chicks

AAAAAAAAAAND
these trashbags, just giving me enough time to learn all the songs on their new album.

yeah baby. god knows who else will be there. i think i may be doing the locomotion like kylie minogue..
anyways, official lineup isnt out yet but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is all i can say.

so, anyone coming too?

poppy porn

2005-03-31T10:18:00.000-01:00

A poppy about to happen
Originally uploaded by LauraElaine.
OK, so i have recovered from my tantrum for a second, long enough to surface and bring this pic to your attention. it's filthy. it's fabulous. i love it so much.

snarl and spit

2005-03-31T09:54:00.000-01:00
*betty sitting in a huddle snarling and spitting at the world in general. rage rage and no fucking dying light just a few brick walls and some serious zabina-esque sentiments. frustration is killing me. gaaah. did i say GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.*

ok ok, so i am sulking because i just got stood up and i am massively unemployable and my parents are trying to persuade me to be a sodding secretary or join the military, both of which are a personal affront to me and i have no money and i wanna see my girlfriend and i am acting like a toddler when so many people i care about have bigger things going on and now i feel ridiculous and self-involved and ..
*kicks the floor some more*

Pies

2005-03-29T10:18:00.000-01:00
well, it's easter and I am officially thirteen kinds of cadbury's creme fatter. y'know, eggs, chicks, bunnies, all that supremely antiChristian stuff that the godsquad choose to overlook. hey, we call it Easter. after Eostre. Pagan goddess of fertility and.. well, shagging. food and sex is all easter is actually for, hey. when we change the name to Pasqua or summat, i'll stop celebrating but in the meantime, spring is sprung, the grass is riz and hell, like I need ANOTHER excuse for sex and chocolate. you like pie?

condy vs bush

2005-03-24T09:10:00.000-01:00
Ok, so apparently this is an actual transcript of a conversation. I'm not convinced, but whatevs, it's hilarious:

An actual transcript...

********
George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?"

Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of
China."
George: "Great. Lay it on me."
Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
George: "That's what I want to know."
Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "I mean the fellow's name."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The guy in China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The new leader of China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The Chinaman!"
Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
George: "That's whose name?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East."
Condoleeza: "That's correct."
George: "Then who is in China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir is in China?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Then who is?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "No, thanks."
Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
George: "No."
Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
Condoleeza: "And call who?"
George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi."
George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone."

2005-03-23T15:56:00.000-01:00
toilet humour

This little gem was on the wall of the ladies toilet in the Bodleian Library, Oxford University. love. it.

Chornobyl

2005-03-23T07:52:00.000-01:00
On April 26th 1986, the world witnessed ‘the greatest environmental catastrophe in the history of humanity.’ An explosion at Reactor No. 4 at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station in northern Ukraine triggered a nuclear meltdown which would see millions of people struggling for their lives. Tens of thousands of tonnes of ultra-radioactive materials were blasted into the air, creating a cloud of death which spread across half the continent. Efforts the contain the blast took 6 months, but eventually a massive sarcophagus was built around the area, and the ghosts of Chernobyl’s poisonous contents was locked behind a massive wall of concrete.

Now, almost twenty years on, that ghost is coming back to haunt Eastern Europe, and threatening to spread it’s reach even further than before. The great concrete coffin of Chernobyl is in a startling case of disrepair. There are now gaps in the structure through which you could drive a car. The metal supports which hold up the massive edifice are suspected to be rusting away. As the reactor continues to burn away at 200ºC, over 1000 m2 of its tomb has disappeared into holes and fissures.

Within 12 hours of the explosion, 190 tonnes of radioactive uranium and graphite had been expelled, spewing poisonous toxic material to a height of 1km above the Earth. The plume from the reactor spread over Polond and Sweden, then Belarus, Western Russia as well as over the North Sea to the UK. Indeed, last year the environment agency discovered that it would take 100 times longer for the radioactive Chernobyl material in the UK to dissipate. Overall, 9 million people were affected by the blast.

Right next to the sarcophagus is Reactor No. 3, a recently decommissioned reactor which still contains a vast amount of nuclear material. Inside the concrete dome is 74,000 tonnes of lethally contaminated debris – including 16 tonnes of Uranium and 200 tonnes of radioactive lava. For the last ten years, water has flown through the cracks in the shell, mixing with the debris to produce a toxic ‘soup’ which fills the site with pools and rivers of poison.

Eventually, the weight of 3,000 cubic metres of water has caused 20,000 tonnes of concrete to collapse onto the site, throwing a ghostly cloud of radioactive debris across Europe. The rubble which falls onto Reactor 3 has caused a meltdown even worse than the original, meaning that there’s simply no chance that anything can be contained. This time the casualties will be counted in the tens of millions.

5 years ago the UN woke up to the massive dangers that the ghost of Chernobyl still pose. They’ve established a fund with the European Bank which is beginning to make a small difference, starting a monitoring system to check for the earthquakes and superstructure problems which could bring the sarcophagus tumbling to the toxic ground. Plans are underway to replace the Sarcophagus with something more permanent. But international bureaucracy moves slowly. The $1bn required is only half raised. It may be a decade until anything happens, and by that time, disaster may have struck.

2005-03-21T15:48:00.000-01:00
george

2005-03-21T15:46:00.000-01:00
whole band shot

2005-03-21T15:45:00.000-01:00
at riiiiisk

2005-03-21T15:42:00.000-01:00
At Risk gig, March 10, Pub Oxford

cuntfucks

2005-03-07T15:58:00.000-01:00
I realised today that I haven't blogged properly for fecking ages. all of my last posts have been pictures or random lists. i don't want you to think i don't care or nothing, so here's what's been going on:
ahem.
I am about to commit mass genocide on the entire inbred inward looking cuntfuck population of the town in which i reside. this is because it's either that or self harm, and not in a good way. they are DRIVING ME CRAZY I tell you.
this is for a number of different reasons.
1. I have found myself a gorgeous, intelligent, passionate woman who lives in a different town. and i want to spend more time with her.
2. Most of the people I know are homophobic endofliners with less ambition than i have in my 3rd from left toenail. that's the one that doesn't grow as fast as the others.
3. I am skint. so very painfully skint that moving elsewhere is not an option right now, i just gotta stay put and hem myself in so that my parents don't reject me.
4. Last week I had the interview for the job of my dreams. It was fantastic. I wanted it so much. The MD called me. He told me I came 2nd out of 110. I want to shoot myself. Could he not have told me I came 115th out of 110? So much easier to swallow than being so very close to getting out of here.
I want to cry now. scuse me.

Ok, so that's all shit. So to console you all (look, i'm trying to salve my ego here by pretending you care, dammit!) I will talk about some Good Things.
Did you miss the memo on my girl? Shit, man, a real girl who is really (i think) into me too and is GAY! and SINGLE! except not single anymore cos she's WITH ME! i know i know, i am sounding dangerously close to one of those smug coupled twats. but serious, this doesnt happen to me. incredulity is taking over.
hmm. other good things.
I am 23 on Thursday March 10. That's like... day after the day after tomorrow.
i am drawn on whether that's a good thing or not, except it does mean I may get some cash off my nan. and I am so very painfully skint right now that's a Good Thing. Hey, d'you see the circles we're swimming in here?
It's my BIRTHDAY PARTY on Saturday. In Tiger Tiger, London. If you're about and feel like getting pissed with a bunch of randoms, join us!
Errrrm

OH YEAH! I am going to Dublin for St Patrick's day. hooray! out of the country back on the road and living it up. my natural habitat. yey!
ok. that's all. you may go.
MWAH!

2005-03-05T08:35:00.000-01:00
rosie lugosi, lesbian cabaret vampire queen. yeah.

words words words

2005-02-26T16:53:00.000-01:00
the Beeb did the nation's favourite words ever not long ago. big bag of shite. top word was 'mother', followed by stuff like 'grace', 'love' and 'hope'.
i feel sick.
i mean, mother, great concept, sure. but as a word, it's not outstanding. functional, merely. they even had sodding 'if'. where's the fun in saying that? huh? gah.
So, I propose my alternative list.

fuck
lascivious
swoon
quidam
rabid
lugubrious
loquacious
tmesis
feuille
mull
fricative
testament
thrall
sussuration
hottentot
sophisticat
rococo
pasquinade
syzygy
fescennine
sneezeweed
indivisibility
zenzizenzizenzic
propinquity
wanton
voodoo
raven
fervid

submissions here please!

2005-02-21T21:13:00.000-01:00
or this cute lil guy?

2005-02-21T21:11:00.000-01:00
or this one?

2005-02-21T21:09:00.000-01:00
photo friday say this week should be 'rural'. well, i'm in wales. rural i can do.

slushpuppy

2005-02-21T20:10:00.000-01:00
Ok, you may or may not have gathered that I can be a total slushpuppy at times, and well, this is the point where I try and get other people to appreciate the small stoopid stuff that makes people smile. You know how some days you just feel a little bit high, a little bit lighter and want to reach out and hug the world? Except that that would cross so many boundaries you'd probably get arrested. So how bout you take a moment to think about the people who matter to you. There are people in my world who count, the ones who I would like to know are happy. And then there are all the random people I've never met who, when I am not a roadragey bag of PMT I occasionally feel several different kinds of philanthropy for. Here are things you can do to make someone feel good. I am skating so dangerously close to hallmark here i'm terrified, but we're gonna crash on with this, just for kicks.

1. There is never a time when it's not a good idea to buy her flowers. ever. the chick you're chasing, your best friend, your mum, nan, sister, teacher, some girl in the street - whoever. Wait, where did the gender thing come from? Him or her. Buy someone flowers. don't buy them roses.

2. you know those kids in the street who are trying desperately, despite their hangovers and being sodding freezing, to get you to sign up to some charity? this isn't even, if they're honest, because they give a crap about the charity. it's because they really need cash, they're a long way from home and it's fast work. be honest - you don't give a crap either. but you don't have to snarl at them, or study your shoelaces when you pass them. smile. be nice. tell them that you aren't going to give to charity. but then when you hop into a newsie to get a paper, buy them some smarties.

3. send someone a stupid and pointless text message designed to make them smile/laugh. not a crappy joke. pic of something you've seen, a reminder of something that cracked you both up.

4. send post! who doesn't like getting post that isn't bills or bank statements? postcards, poems, socks, a fat lipstick kiss on a piece of paper..

5. yeah, that's it. use your imagination, fuckers. i'm not giving it all away otherwise she'll know exactly what i'm planning if she cruises this. ;)

Totally, like, whatever

2005-02-18T10:37:00.000-01:00
Kinda had to follow that post with this lil gem from Taylor Mali

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

God Bless America

2005-02-18T10:22:00.000-01:00
I would apologise in advance to my right wing american fans, but lets fact it, i don't have any. and anyway, i wouldnt mean it. While I am not in any way starting a Britain Rocks campaign, The Guardian has just added food for thought over the whole should we join Europe or just be Bush's Buttboy argument:

a.
US 'lets all bomb Iran! yeah!!'
Europe 'err. shouldn't we just, y'know, talk to them a bit instead?'
US 'but that's so boooooring. you're boring. i don't wanna play with you anymore, chickenshit. in fact, wait and see what I've got to say about Nato!'
b.
The 'well sure we pollute a lot, but if we stopped belching out greenhouse gases we wouldnt make as much money!' attitude. An innocent enough argument. tossers.
c.
Nato. Well, the US runs the gang. And the rest of the gang doesnt think it's fun anymore. And Germany (cocky little fucker) made the bold and mutinous step of asking what the hell is the point? and the US responded along the lines of 'It's MY gang and I make the rules and I pick the game, and if you don't like it well you're out and see if I care. nyah.'
d.
so, the rest of the gang say 'hey, isn't it a tad unfair to keep China out of the gang just because of something they did years ago? y'know, like, get over it America'. But America is running scared of China in case China gets popular and like, takes over. Too late. The rest of the gang already gave China a slingshot and some stones. David and Goliath, the Big Fight - Mark 2.
e. The ICC. America doesn't mind if the headteacher punishes everyone else, but hold on, what's this? AMERICA is being called out of class? Well. Never went to this stoopid school anyway.
f. so like, the Brits want to cut world poverty? By starting some fund? well shit, we don't need that fund, it totally wont benefit us. Well that idea sucks then, hey?

flowers for Nadine

2005-02-16T10:56:00.000-01:00

This is for Nadine. Ok, so i said flowers and technically it's just 'flower' but stop being so anal, wouldja?! This is because La Nadine rocks and 12000 miles means i can't send her a real one. And because if she weren't having intense sapphic love with Fits she'd totally be mine. really.

Leapfrogging

2005-02-16T09:08:00.000-01:00
be careful when you tie your laces

Yeah, ok, so we all know that growing up sucks. why do it? in less than a month I am going to be 23. I intend to act like a kid as much as possible for that time. and beyond. These are my friends. They will be joining me.

2005-02-16T09:03:00.000-01:00
windmill

Wales is a beautiful country. If you're coming to visit, let me know. Anyways, this is an old windmill we found on Monday. Love it.

6 days out

2005-02-09T13:44:00.000-01:00
and RBB got her first valentine! awww.. but it's e and anonymous, so no clues at all. still, i reckon that top of the wooing tips this year is telling your lady what you're really thinking. probably by serenading her. with
this song
show her you care.

random sunday things

2005-02-06T09:08:00.000-01:00
yeah, so tomorrow i have a job interview. and true to form instead of actually preparing for it i have been mostly contemplating how much i like the moon. not quite so hippy as it sounds, actually, just that rather good is, well, rather good. still rocking my world, those boys have come so far. *sniff*
love. it.

and wales beat england in the 6 Nations.
and arsenal beat villa
and everything is good in the world.

2005-02-05T06:30:00.000-01:00
in the pink! *sigh*.. god dammit she's cute. took this at a gig in Sydney a while back and well, who am I to deny the communal viewing pleasure?

Cirque du Soleil

2005-02-03T20:42:00.000-01:00
Having not been able to get tickets to the legendary Quidam in Sydney, last night some lovely people took me to Dralion for my birthday. These women are 15 different kinds of bendy. I am in awe.

poetry

2005-02-03T13:28:00.000-01:00
Don't you love the semantic link between 'salve' and 'salvage'?
Job interview the first. I am crushed by the fact I just had an interview with some beardy guy in a beige egged-on jumper and actually went into smiling raptures about how 'this is home' when he asked me if I am settled in my scut of a going-nowhere hometown.
So, I thought I'd make myself feel better by sharing this poem with you, sent by someone who cares to make me smile.

KITE

By Rives

I mistook a garbage truck for thunder.
The morning after the first night we made love,
I dreamt thunder was chasing rain
through your neighborhood,
flooding the streets and keeping the two of us
indoors for days or even weeks,
until some old prophet could drop by in an ark
to take us and the rest of the paired-up animals
to a very high place, or an island maybe,
where we could just straight
fuck
for a living.
But the thunder was a garbage truck.

And when my eyes woke up
a note on your pillow said:
"Good morning, Sparkle Boy!
I'll be back around noon.
You make yourself at home."

And so I did.
Maybe.
I'm saying maybe I put on your slippers,
which were as comfortable as bunnies
because they WERE bunnies,
and then shuffled over my new favorite
hardwood floor to the bathroom
where maybe I took a bubble bath,
which is not something I can do at my place
because, frankly, my tub is way too skanky
to ever sit my bare ass down in.

And then maybe I got so caught up
in the romance of the suds
I started quoting old Latin poetry
from my college days like:
"fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles...?
You know: "Verily a bright sun
does favor me this morning...muthafucka!?"
And then maybe I played with myself.
But it's not what you’re thinking--
I'm saying possibly I just sorta
stuck my hand up from the water, going:
(HERE I HOLD MY HAND UP LIKE A SOCK PUPPET
WITHOUT THE SOCK AND MY HAND TEASES ME
IN A HIGH, SMUTTY VOICE):
HAND: "Somebody got laid last night!"
Or whatever.
And then maybe I played with myself,
and it's exactly what you're thinking.

But if I did, it was only to put
the mental motion picture of our naked night together
on replay and replay and replay
so touching myself was just like...Tivo in a way.
And yes, I was still wet when I borrowed your
bathrobe.
And yes, I baked apples in your oven
and then ate them with your honey, honey.

And yes, I scared the birds away from your balcony
with my antics, dancing full-blast
to your old Bananarama CDs--
but let's just keep that my little secret,
because nothing is as private as a solitary dance
unless--maybe-- it's standing in front
of a full-length mirror
in a borrowed pair of bunny slippers,
slipping off a bathrobe and then wishing to a
lightbulb
that my name, or my game, or my something were bigger,
wondering: "What kind of woman wants this skinny kid
for a warrior?"
And so I made for you a kite, enormous,
out of coat hangers, brown paper bags
and the masking tape from the junk drawer
in your kitchen,
and I hung it in the hallway
where you couldn't hardly miss it,
and I tagged that kite with my words,
I wrote:
"Just so you know--
My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.

I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,

cuz I've got more faults than a map of California
earthquakes.
I am taking a nap beneath your covers.

Wake me if you like me.

Wake me if you want me.
Wake me if you need another poem.
Your once and future lover
has made himself at home."

Veritas?

2005-02-03T11:28:00.000-01:00
So, our favourite man with a tan, Mr Robert Killjoy Silk
has opted to massage his wounded ego by starting his own miniBNP party, Veritas. Truth?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oppose Britain joining Europe and kick the dirty jobstealing immigrants out of the country! yeah!
It's like playground war. Kilroy is sulking because he can't be leader of the gang, so he goes off, thumb to his nose and starts a better one. Only it's exactly the same. And splits the playground who wanted to be part of either gang, leaving a stronger more unified majority for the dirty hippy lefty kids. Yey!

May 5, so they say. And opinion polls reckon Labour will get in, but Mr Bliar may not have as much support as his playground rival and sometime deputy sherriff, Gordon Brown .
And Michael Howard is desperately votegrabbing by also saying kick out the filthy queuejumpers who just want to take our benefits.

But what's left? where else can I go?? Increasingly I am thinking that I'm just gonna have to go with that loveable Scot, Charlie. Y'know, a guy who opposes animal cruelty, believes in free education, thinks that maybe the war in Iraq wasn't a very good idea actually.
go figure.

low fat living makes me want to die

2005-02-01T20:09:00.000-01:00
Y'know how the most vehement anti-smokers are always ex-smokers? well try telling someone who spent 6 years dieting obsessively how many calories there are in something if you REALLY want to piss them off. What is it with neurotic women? If i want to eat a stilton bacon and avocado sandwich and top it off with a bottle of chocolate milk then really, I don't need some obsessive Fat Fighter
telling me to 'ave a bit of dust'.
I LIKE FOOD
I work out, I eat healthily and I really don't like people tutting over my shoulder because they don't move their lardasses far enough every day to justify eating something that doesn't have Virtually Fat Free written all over it.
Kids - do you not realise that low fat usually = superhigh sugar?
GAH!

This should be killed.

2005-01-30T10:55:00.000-01:00

red betty got photo hosting! yeah baby!!

happy tree friends and friends

2005-01-29T22:44:00.000-01:00
Well, I just wanted to say congrats to Boud and Fits for their Aussie blog awards wins and all that.
And nope, i am not a teeny shred jealous of Boud's photographic genius, naysireee.
*ahem*
one day i'll get photo hosting and then they'll be sorry.
In the meantime, go see his stuff, it rocks!
Also, while I'm on topic of blogiversity, I also like to hang out in that hive of urban activity that is Nadstown. And occasionally get lifecoaching from Jess at Ausculture.
You should too.
Obviously i kick around other blogs too and if i were technically proficient enough, i would even have links to them all. but i'm not, so i don't.

celesbians part deux .. *snicker*

2005-01-28T19:55:00.001-01:00
Well.. always eager to please, I thought i'd whack up some more girlpics.
*smiles sweetly*

so, the next 10 then..

Cynthia Nixon

I know. You're wondering if collar and cuffs...? hehe..

ok.. erm..
who was it? oh yeah - Samantha Foxxxxxxx

lesbian page 3. man, it's a Sun reader's wet dream come true.

Amanda Barrie.. well, personally i think she is a dubious celeb, but hell, Susie's perversion must be indulged here ;)

wank material for my fans.. god, i bend over backwards for you guys..

Greta Garbo

I totally can't tell if that's a seduction look or she's just caned.

Hell! I forgot KD LANG!

hey, is anyone else seeing the Jarvis Cocker resemblance here??
check it out.

ok. where next? that chick from scissor sister i reckon.

The one on the right, if you're getting gender id confusion. It happens. Jeez, I ran into Courtney Act in Sydney and really really thought he was a girl for a while.

let's face it, the boy is convincing. not a lesbian though. i'm digressing..

ok, so Rosie O Donnell

Say it with her: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

crap, i'm only on 7 again..
hey, it's a dodgy one, but i need some eye candy
Ms. Barrymore. Who is your Charlie's Angel?
Mine is

In the same vein, Madonna
Oh come on. She totally is.

not just the tux, the two hot minimes she snogs but SO much more. She's also shagged Jenny Shimizu for one. I want to be Jenny Shimizu. Madge and Angelina. My god. And then there's that pic of her with Naomi Campbell
So she's married. SO WHAT?

Oh - Leisha Hailey. Uh-huh. I missed the L Word. I may well have to rent it. And the movie and everything..

I'm sure i got ten that time. but feel free to keep me posted on more girl action. cos, y'know, it toasts.

boxing...

2005-01-26T21:25:00.000-01:00
is the new black. and while i am keen to not appear to y'all to be some babybutch tomboy (ok, so I get off on girls fighting, riding motorbikes and using powertools as much as the next guy), boxing shits all. It RULES. No really. Kickboxing took a backbencher and I feel like a Million Dollars, Baby! No pun. Well, hell, of course there was, but jeeez, i'm allowed to exploit media coverage. In fact sweetheart, i can do what the fuck i like, it's my blog. Bite me. You love it you kinky minx.

Aaaanyways, before we get all carried away here, i thought i'd just indulge the boy preference for girls doing 'boy things' with more pics. Not at all another excuse to show Ms Jolie on this blog. No really..

So. Girls fighting first.
well, can't find a suitable Lara Croft kicking ass pic, so we'll just have her toting big guns instead:

ok, so I could have had Hilary Swank, but you wouldn't have been squirming in your pants quite so much, hey.

Next up, girls on bikes:

leather. tatts. a brilliant mounted bitchfight.
Torque really does have it all.

And finally, buttflossing ladies with pneumatic drills. You love it. I can tell by the way your hands are shaking.

I am surprised that Benny didn't make this video too:

Still. that was gratuitous.

The verdict? Girls doing boy things (je suis the only chick in my boxing gym) is a VERY BIG PLUS.

the tale of red betty black and the homicidal terrorist..

2005-01-25T06:39:00.000-01:00
best. weekend. eva.

hehe..

without wanting to be indiscreet or sound like i could possibly be bragging *ahem* lets just say the various fantasies of a friend of mine involving Betty in a weekend of sapphic hotness may well have come true.

brag over.

sadly, I did miss this killer gig at the Port Mahon. But hell, we will party with the band some other time. Because they rock. And their lead singer is supercute.
and it snowed!
hurray all round.

gay boys.. and girls

2005-01-22T09:29:00.000-01:00
Aren't gay men the best? This morning i woke up in a comfortable bed, having spent a pleasant evening stealing music, chatting and getting drunk. They cooked me scrambled eggs and delivered me a hot blonde in a towel. I wish every day was like this.
But anyway, as our conversation meandered through the crapness that is all the British election candidates to Little Britain and inevitable bitching about people we used to know, we came onto the topic of the Celesbian. Famous girls who like girls..
And there aren't that many of them. well.. not many that spring to mind. The challenge was set: Name 10 celesbians. a celesbian does not include academics or writers, so Sandi Toksvig is out. Basically they have to act/sing/play ball or some other sport.
Hmmm...ok, here goes.
First of, the enviably cute Portia Di Rossi and Francesca Gregorini

Next up.. errrm..
Ellen!

That's 3 and I'm struggling.. hang on
Martina Navratilova

all i can do is *shudder*
Number 5. Rhona Cameron.

and her sometime girlpal Sue Perkins

hey - i never identified this before, but i really need to start hanging out in comedy clubs!
ooh - personal favourite Fergie

yes, yes you would, and you know it. if you could. but you couldn't because hell, she's happy pinning me to this bed..
hang on, for a moment there i lost count... ahem.
Number 8
uuuhhhh...

ooh - I know! entering fantasyland now, but the delectable Ms Jolie.
well, ok, so she's not technically one, so i'll scrap it in favour of her exbeanbuddy, Jenny Shimizu

Not much denying that one.
Ok, now it's getting tough.
Our favourite Eastender only in real life, Pam St Clement

Who for number 10?? I need help people...
submit your celesbian here. Anyone considering Anne Heche need not apply.

in the stars

2005-01-15T11:22:00.000-01:00
How does that work then? How is it that Librans world over are indecisive pacifists, Pisceans are moody poets and fire signs are a bunch of arrogant attention seekers?
So anyway, i got sent this:

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious.
Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts.
Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children.
Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn
and money cautious.

So, you lot in January are picky, judgemental, stubborn x2, laconic, tight and can't form relationships.. Nice..

____________________________________ _________
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental.
Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals.
Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive
and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes.Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

D'you reckon maybe the person that wrote this was born in February or just really doesn't like someone born in January??

_________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling.
Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors.
Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

Submissive interior decorator will jump into bed with anyone who buys her something 'special'. Especially a scatter cushion.
Does this describe me?!

_____________________
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous.
Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
April - you are a minger, but someone will overlook it and fuck you anyway. but if not, you find yourself attractive - why not go here.

____________________________
MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated.
Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention.
Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

God, it's not a great start for May, hey? Stubborn, hard, headstrong and angry. Bovine, one might think. Maybe the writer just looked up Taurean in a dictionary somewhere.. but hell, you are mentally and physically beautiful. In fact, I heart you, May.

_________________________________
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and
soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental.
Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative.
Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

June just stole your job. I say stole, but they deserved it. But you can console yourself with the fact that they're probably a transvestite.

_________________________________
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings.
Tactful. Friendly. Approach able. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful.
Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends.Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

July is a fat jabba. 'Fun to be with' is always a euphemism for that. like 'bubbly'. And poor July has dieting problems. Never forgets, just like an elephant. God, the lard jibes are thick and fast here, huh?!

_________________________________
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Confused. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly.
Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream.
Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty.
Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .

August is Mr Slick. He just tried it on you in a bar, and then when you went to the toilet tried to cop off with your mate/sister/grandma. He only talks about himself and you should only talk about him too. Really.

________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable.
Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

September. You're a boring fuck, aren't you? Quiet, critical, dishonest, organized, emotionless. I bet you fold your underpants. Fuck, i bet you iron them first. Even the ones you've just taken off.

_____ ____________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends.
Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance.
Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous.
Concerned.
Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

The fundamental thing here is that you NEVER want to leave October alone with your kids. I mean look at the facts here; 'Loves those who loves them.' Crap grammar aside, you see what I'm saying. 'Does not care what others think'. I mean, just because society condemns it, doesn't mean it's wrong, does it?
And the giveaway - October Loves Childres. paedo = child, philos = love. Nuff said. Everyone born in October should be locked up now.

_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality.
Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but
amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions.
Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.
Unpredictable

Ooh, that November's a bit kerayzee, don't you think? Oddball is not even the word. Difficult. Unique. Thinks differently from others. Not able to control emotions.
hmm. Good doctors you say? Institutionalisable.

_______________ ________
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered.
Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates
restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

Contrary to experience, it would appear that December kids are just a big barrel of laughs. Every moment's a game, a joke. Fuckers. i hate them.

freedom of speech?

2005-01-13T13:59:00.000-01:00
While it would be laughable of me to suggest for a second that the Church has ever been anything but an institution of hypocrisy and double standards, the latest godsquad overreaction takes it.
In reaction to the BBC's decision to show a recording of Jerry Springer - The Opera, godsquad activist group Christian Voice went all out to prevent the screening.
Culminating in threats of bloodshed and physical violence to the families of the execs involved. And they published their phone numbers and home addresses on the internet.
Now, call me obtuse, but WTF??!
Where in Christian doctrine does it suggest that abusing innocent people is an acceptable reaction to 'moral degeneration of society'?
If you can't beat em, join em, I spose.
And why the hell should TV be dumbed down to cater for mindnumbed morons who take offense at anything that picks holes in their ill-considered shallow beliefs anyway?
Don't even get me started on that play that got cancelled because sikhs were throwing bricks at the audience.
Freedom of speech?! Blog on!

Celebrity Big Bro

2005-01-07T11:36:00.000-01:00
WHY did she do it? Prof Germaine Greer has entered the Big Brother house..

I am almost tempted to watch it now.

ipod

2005-01-07T10:10:00.000-01:00
Taking a cue from Ausculture (well, they tell me what to do, see?) I thought about what is playing on my shiny new ipod. and then i remembered that I CAN'T FRICKING USE IT!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING CUNTING AMERICAN PIECE OF CRAP HARDWARE WITH FUCKING AMERICAN PLUG.

Oh yeah, i don't have a computer either.

Hey - advise me: Mac or PC????

I am totally not bendy enough

2005-01-07T08:46:00.000-01:00
but hell, like everyone who watched Jump Britain last night, I want to take up Le Parkour
Ok, so not balanced, agile, strong or in any way fit enough, but hell, how much fun does it look?!

Another new year's res, mayhap: develop spidey powers...

beginnings

2005-01-01T10:08:00.000-01:00
After telling me about a hot lesbian doctor who has a kink for cutting people open and then stitching them up *this makes me incredibly horny*, the guy who was going to paint me naked is fleeing the country. shame. he's off to Morocco and Egypt and other jealousy inducing places.
leaving me alone in the wasteland of January with nothing but a barrage of hotmaking words for company.
salacious. lascivious. wanton. arouse.
filthy language. why can i not find a woman to whisper this kind of sordid dirt into my ears?

anyways, this is the beginning of the second half of the first decade of the third millennium since jesus. am spending it with two cute gay boys who cook for me and forcefeed me champagne. today we are going for tea in some very english tearooms in Oxford. i have been told that whatever you do on New Year's day you will spend the rest of the year doing and it is, apparently, kink free. where's Daryl Hannah when I need her?!
might have to pay a visit to my superhot singer friend who is now single. hurray!
and crashing on to resolutions. last year i didnt make any because i was going on an epic adventure and had no idea what the year would bring. but this year... well...
in theory i should say things like stop being so debauched, be nicer to my family and give more to charity. but debauchery is fun, my family are totally loving me being in the country so they've already got their bonus and until i get a job, charity is gonna have to wait i'm afraid. but i am completely humbled by the generosity of the Brits as regards the Earthquake Appeal. the government was forced to significantly up their pledge when the public donated far more than they had, meaning that the UK has now donated over 100 million pounds collectively.

so, resolutions are as follows:
learn something new - salsa, spanish, motorbike riding or something
go somewhere new - and hopefully catch up with some of the people i met last year
change my life significantly - develop superpowers? get a job? gaaah, this is crapcrapcrap..

this is depressing me now, resolutions are no fun. apu, entertaining suggestions please?!

i'm dreaming

2004-12-24T07:44:00.000-01:00
So, this is the Northern hemisphere proper. Like, snow and stuff. and more food than a small Ediopean army could get through in a year. turducken. Who in their right mind would eat turducken? It ranks along with Eat Me dates in that Grumpy Old Man list of things that people only ever have at Xmas and really don't actually want but what the hell, it's 'tradition'.
the tempation to drift into Bah Humbugness is close, but i'm fighting it.
So anyways, reasons I miss being in Oz:
1. It's warm there.
2. Mangoes.
3. All my friends!! *sniff*
4. a job i like
5. proximity to things other than trees and snow. living in a forest is totally overrated.
and reasons it's good to be back:
1. i don't get locked out if i forget my keys when i take a shower.
2. i don't have to put all my food in a bag with my name on it. and still find that some fucker has made off with my precious supply of import marmite
3. it actually feels like it should be Christmas soon
4. Branston pickle. oh yeah.
5. my friend! unexpectedly, there are still some kicking around.
6. family! that may get old soon, but they're like, kinda cool. even my dad's dubious looking facial hair is entertaining.

well, on balance then, it's good to be back.
good festivities, people
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