Thursday, March 31, 2005

poppy porn

A poppy about to happen
Originally uploaded by LauraElaine.
OK, so i have recovered from my tantrum for a second, long enough to surface and bring this pic to your attention. it's filthy. it's fabulous. i love it so much.

snarl and spit

*betty sitting in a huddle snarling and spitting at the world in general. rage rage and no fucking dying light just a few brick walls and some serious zabina-esque sentiments. frustration is killing me. gaaah. did i say GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.*

ok ok, so i am sulking because i just got stood up and i am massively unemployable and my parents are trying to persuade me to be a sodding secretary or join the military, both of which are a personal affront to me and i have no money and i wanna see my girlfriend and i am acting like a toddler when so many people i care about have bigger things going on and now i feel ridiculous and self-involved and ..
*kicks the floor some more*

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


well, it's easter and I am officially thirteen kinds of cadbury's creme fatter. y'know, eggs, chicks, bunnies, all that supremely antiChristian stuff that the godsquad choose to overlook. hey, we call it Easter. after Eostre. Pagan goddess of fertility and.. well, shagging. food and sex is all easter is actually for, hey. when we change the name to Pasqua or summat, i'll stop celebrating but in the meantime, spring is sprung, the grass is riz and hell, like I need ANOTHER excuse for sex and chocolate. you like pie?

Thursday, March 24, 2005

condy vs bush

Ok, so apparently this is an actual transcript of a conversation. I'm not convinced, but whatevs, it's hilarious:

An actual transcript...

George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?"

Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of
George: "Great. Lay it on me."
Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
George: "That's what I want to know."
Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "I mean the fellow's name."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The guy in China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The new leader of China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The Chinaman!"
Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
George: "That's whose name?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East."
Condoleeza: "That's correct."
George: "Then who is in China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir is in China?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Then who is?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "No, thanks."
Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
George: "No."
Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
Condoleeza: "And call who?"
George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
Condoleeza: "Kofi."
George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone."

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

toilet humour Posted by Hello

This little gem was on the wall of the ladies toilet in the Bodleian Library, Oxford University. love. it.


On April 26th 1986, the world witnessed ‘the greatest environmental catastrophe in the history of humanity.’ An explosion at Reactor No. 4 at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station in northern Ukraine triggered a nuclear meltdown which would see millions of people struggling for their lives. Tens of thousands of tonnes of ultra-radioactive materials were blasted into the air, creating a cloud of death which spread across half the continent. Efforts the contain the blast took 6 months, but eventually a massive sarcophagus was built around the area, and the ghosts of Chernobyl’s poisonous contents was locked behind a massive wall of concrete.

Now, almost twenty years on, that ghost is coming back to haunt Eastern Europe, and threatening to spread it’s reach even further than before. The great concrete coffin of Chernobyl is in a startling case of disrepair. There are now gaps in the structure through which you could drive a car. The metal supports which hold up the massive edifice are suspected to be rusting away. As the reactor continues to burn away at 200ºC, over 1000 m2 of its tomb has disappeared into holes and fissures.

Within 12 hours of the explosion, 190 tonnes of radioactive uranium and graphite had been expelled, spewing poisonous toxic material to a height of 1km above the Earth. The plume from the reactor spread over Polond and Sweden, then Belarus, Western Russia as well as over the North Sea to the UK. Indeed, last year the environment agency discovered that it would take 100 times longer for the radioactive Chernobyl material in the UK to dissipate. Overall, 9 million people were affected by the blast.

Right next to the sarcophagus is Reactor No. 3, a recently decommissioned reactor which still contains a vast amount of nuclear material. Inside the concrete dome is 74,000 tonnes of lethally contaminated debris – including 16 tonnes of Uranium and 200 tonnes of radioactive lava. For the last ten years, water has flown through the cracks in the shell, mixing with the debris to produce a toxic ‘soup’ which fills the site with pools and rivers of poison.

Eventually, the weight of 3,000 cubic metres of water has caused 20,000 tonnes of concrete to collapse onto the site, throwing a ghostly cloud of radioactive debris across Europe. The rubble which falls onto Reactor 3 has caused a meltdown even worse than the original, meaning that there’s simply no chance that anything can be contained. This time the casualties will be counted in the tens of millions.

5 years ago the UN woke up to the massive dangers that the ghost of Chernobyl still pose. They’ve established a fund with the European Bank which is beginning to make a small difference, starting a monitoring system to check for the earthquakes and superstructure problems which could bring the sarcophagus tumbling to the toxic ground. Plans are underway to replace the Sarcophagus with something more permanent. But international bureaucracy moves slowly. The $1bn required is only half raised. It may be a decade until anything happens, and by that time, disaster may have struck.

Monday, March 21, 2005

george Posted by Hello
whole band shot Posted by Hello
at riiiiisk Posted by Hello
At Risk gig, March 10, Pub Oxford Posted by Hello

Monday, March 07, 2005


I realised today that I haven't blogged properly for fecking ages. all of my last posts have been pictures or random lists. i don't want you to think i don't care or nothing, so here's what's been going on:
I am about to commit mass genocide on the entire inbred inward looking cuntfuck population of the town in which i reside. this is because it's either that or self harm, and not in a good way. they are DRIVING ME CRAZY I tell you.
this is for a number of different reasons.
1. I have found myself a gorgeous, intelligent, passionate woman who lives in a different town. and i want to spend more time with her.
2. Most of the people I know are homophobic endofliners with less ambition than i have in my 3rd from left toenail. that's the one that doesn't grow as fast as the others.
3. I am skint. so very painfully skint that moving elsewhere is not an option right now, i just gotta stay put and hem myself in so that my parents don't reject me.
4. Last week I had the interview for the job of my dreams. It was fantastic. I wanted it so much. The MD called me. He told me I came 2nd out of 110. I want to shoot myself. Could he not have told me I came 115th out of 110? So much easier to swallow than being so very close to getting out of here.
I want to cry now. scuse me.

Ok, so that's all shit. So to console you all (look, i'm trying to salve my ego here by pretending you care, dammit!) I will talk about some Good Things.
Did you miss the memo on my girl? Shit, man, a real girl who is really (i think) into me too and is GAY! and SINGLE! except not single anymore cos she's WITH ME! i know i know, i am sounding dangerously close to one of those smug coupled twats. but serious, this doesnt happen to me. incredulity is taking over.
hmm. other good things.
I am 23 on Thursday March 10. That's like... day after the day after tomorrow.
i am drawn on whether that's a good thing or not, except it does mean I may get some cash off my nan. and I am so very painfully skint right now that's a Good Thing. Hey, d'you see the circles we're swimming in here?
It's my BIRTHDAY PARTY on Saturday. In Tiger Tiger, London. If you're about and feel like getting pissed with a bunch of randoms, join us!

OH YEAH! I am going to Dublin for St Patrick's day. hooray! out of the country back on the road and living it up. my natural habitat. yey!
ok. that's all. you may go.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

rosie lugosi, lesbian cabaret vampire queen. yeah. Posted by Hello