Saturday, February 26, 2005

words words words

the Beeb did the nation's favourite words ever not long ago. big bag of shite. top word was 'mother', followed by stuff like 'grace', 'love' and 'hope'.
i feel sick.
i mean, mother, great concept, sure. but as a word, it's not outstanding. functional, merely. they even had sodding 'if'. where's the fun in saying that? huh? gah.
So, I propose my alternative list.


submissions here please!

Monday, February 21, 2005

or this cute lil guy? Posted by Hello
or this one? Posted by Hello
photo friday say this week should be 'rural'. well, i'm in wales. rural i can do. Posted by Hello


Ok, you may or may not have gathered that I can be a total slushpuppy at times, and well, this is the point where I try and get other people to appreciate the small stoopid stuff that makes people smile. You know how some days you just feel a little bit high, a little bit lighter and want to reach out and hug the world? Except that that would cross so many boundaries you'd probably get arrested. So how bout you take a moment to think about the people who matter to you. There are people in my world who count, the ones who I would like to know are happy. And then there are all the random people I've never met who, when I am not a roadragey bag of PMT I occasionally feel several different kinds of philanthropy for. Here are things you can do to make someone feel good. I am skating so dangerously close to hallmark here i'm terrified, but we're gonna crash on with this, just for kicks.

1. There is never a time when it's not a good idea to buy her flowers. ever. the chick you're chasing, your best friend, your mum, nan, sister, teacher, some girl in the street - whoever. Wait, where did the gender thing come from? Him or her. Buy someone flowers. don't buy them roses.

2. you know those kids in the street who are trying desperately, despite their hangovers and being sodding freezing, to get you to sign up to some charity? this isn't even, if they're honest, because they give a crap about the charity. it's because they really need cash, they're a long way from home and it's fast work. be honest - you don't give a crap either. but you don't have to snarl at them, or study your shoelaces when you pass them. smile. be nice. tell them that you aren't going to give to charity. but then when you hop into a newsie to get a paper, buy them some smarties.

3. send someone a stupid and pointless text message designed to make them smile/laugh. not a crappy joke. pic of something you've seen, a reminder of something that cracked you both up.

4. send post! who doesn't like getting post that isn't bills or bank statements? postcards, poems, socks, a fat lipstick kiss on a piece of paper..

5. yeah, that's it. use your imagination, fuckers. i'm not giving it all away otherwise she'll know exactly what i'm planning if she cruises this. ;)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Totally, like, whatever

Kinda had to follow that post with this lil gem from Taylor Mali

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

God Bless America

I would apologise in advance to my right wing american fans, but lets fact it, i don't have any. and anyway, i wouldnt mean it. While I am not in any way starting a Britain Rocks campaign, The Guardian has just added food for thought over the whole should we join Europe or just be Bush's Buttboy argument:

US 'lets all bomb Iran! yeah!!'
Europe 'err. shouldn't we just, y'know, talk to them a bit instead?'
US 'but that's so boooooring. you're boring. i don't wanna play with you anymore, chickenshit. in fact, wait and see what I've got to say about Nato!'
The 'well sure we pollute a lot, but if we stopped belching out greenhouse gases we wouldnt make as much money!' attitude. An innocent enough argument. tossers.
Nato. Well, the US runs the gang. And the rest of the gang doesnt think it's fun anymore. And Germany (cocky little fucker) made the bold and mutinous step of asking what the hell is the point? and the US responded along the lines of 'It's MY gang and I make the rules and I pick the game, and if you don't like it well you're out and see if I care. nyah.'
so, the rest of the gang say 'hey, isn't it a tad unfair to keep China out of the gang just because of something they did years ago? y'know, like, get over it America'. But America is running scared of China in case China gets popular and like, takes over. Too late. The rest of the gang already gave China a slingshot and some stones. David and Goliath, the Big Fight - Mark 2.
e. The ICC. America doesn't mind if the headteacher punishes everyone else, but hold on, what's this? AMERICA is being called out of class? Well. Never went to this stoopid school anyway.
f. so like, the Brits want to cut world poverty? By starting some fund? well shit, we don't need that fund, it totally wont benefit us. Well that idea sucks then, hey?

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

flowers for Nadine

This is for Nadine. Ok, so i said flowers and technically it's just 'flower' but stop being so anal, wouldja?! This is because La Nadine rocks and 12000 miles means i can't send her a real one. And because if she weren't having intense sapphic love with Fits she'd totally be mine. really.


be careful when you tie your laces Posted by Hello

Yeah, ok, so we all know that growing up sucks. why do it? in less than a month I am going to be 23. I intend to act like a kid as much as possible for that time. and beyond. These are my friends. They will be joining me.
windmill Posted by Hello

Wales is a beautiful country. If you're coming to visit, let me know. Anyways, this is an old windmill we found on Monday. Love it.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

6 days out

and RBB got her first valentine! awww.. but it's e and anonymous, so no clues at all. still, i reckon that top of the wooing tips this year is telling your lady what you're really thinking. probably by serenading her. with
this song
show her you care.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

random sunday things

yeah, so tomorrow i have a job interview. and true to form instead of actually preparing for it i have been mostly contemplating how much i like the moon. not quite so hippy as it sounds, actually, just that rather good is, well, rather good. still rocking my world, those boys have come so far. *sniff*
love. it.

and wales beat england in the 6 Nations.
and arsenal beat villa
and everything is good in the world.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

in the pink! *sigh*.. god dammit she's cute. took this at a gig in Sydney a while back and well, who am I to deny the communal viewing pleasure? Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Cirque du Soleil

Having not been able to get tickets to the legendary Quidam in Sydney, last night some lovely people took me to Dralion for my birthday. These women are 15 different kinds of bendy. I am in awe.  Posted by Hello


Don't you love the semantic link between 'salve' and 'salvage'?
Job interview the first. I am crushed by the fact I just had an interview with some beardy guy in a beige egged-on jumper and actually went into smiling raptures about how 'this is home' when he asked me if I am settled in my scut of a going-nowhere hometown.
So, I thought I'd make myself feel better by sharing this poem with you, sent by someone who cares to make me smile.


By Rives

I mistook a garbage truck for thunder.
The morning after the first night we made love,
I dreamt thunder was chasing rain
through your neighborhood,
flooding the streets and keeping the two of us
indoors for days or even weeks,
until some old prophet could drop by in an ark
to take us and the rest of the paired-up animals
to a very high place, or an island maybe,
where we could just straight
for a living.
But the thunder was a garbage truck.

And when my eyes woke up
a note on your pillow said:
"Good morning, Sparkle Boy!
I'll be back around noon.
You make yourself at home."

And so I did.
I'm saying maybe I put on your slippers,
which were as comfortable as bunnies
because they WERE bunnies,
and then shuffled over my new favorite
hardwood floor to the bathroom
where maybe I took a bubble bath,
which is not something I can do at my place
because, frankly, my tub is way too skanky
to ever sit my bare ass down in.

And then maybe I got so caught up
in the romance of the suds
I started quoting old Latin poetry
from my college days like:
"fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles...?
You know: "Verily a bright sun
does favor me this morning...muthafucka!?"
And then maybe I played with myself.
But it's not what you’re thinking--
I'm saying possibly I just sorta
stuck my hand up from the water, going:
HAND: "Somebody got laid last night!"
Or whatever.
And then maybe I played with myself,
and it's exactly what you're thinking.

But if I did, it was only to put
the mental motion picture of our naked night together
on replay and replay and replay
so touching myself was just like...Tivo in a way.
And yes, I was still wet when I borrowed your
And yes, I baked apples in your oven
and then ate them with your honey, honey.

And yes, I scared the birds away from your balcony
with my antics, dancing full-blast
to your old Bananarama CDs--
but let's just keep that my little secret,
because nothing is as private as a solitary dance
unless--maybe-- it's standing in front
of a full-length mirror
in a borrowed pair of bunny slippers,
slipping off a bathrobe and then wishing to a
that my name, or my game, or my something were bigger,
wondering: "What kind of woman wants this skinny kid
for a warrior?"
And so I made for you a kite, enormous,
out of coat hangers, brown paper bags
and the masking tape from the junk drawer
in your kitchen,
and I hung it in the hallway
where you couldn't hardly miss it,
and I tagged that kite with my words,
I wrote:
"Just so you know--
My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.

I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,

cuz I've got more faults than a map of California
I am taking a nap beneath your covers.

Wake me if you like me.

Wake me if you want me.
Wake me if you need another poem.
Your once and future lover
has made himself at home."


So, our favourite man with a tan, Mr Robert Killjoy Silk
has opted to massage his wounded ego by starting his own miniBNP party, Veritas. Truth?
Oppose Britain joining Europe and kick the dirty jobstealing immigrants out of the country! yeah!
It's like playground war. Kilroy is sulking because he can't be leader of the gang, so he goes off, thumb to his nose and starts a better one. Only it's exactly the same. And splits the playground who wanted to be part of either gang, leaving a stronger more unified majority for the dirty hippy lefty kids. Yey!

May 5, so they say. And opinion polls reckon Labour will get in, but Mr Bliar may not have as much support as his playground rival and sometime deputy sherriff, Gordon Brown .
And Michael Howard is desperately votegrabbing by also saying kick out the filthy queuejumpers who just want to take our benefits.

But what's left? where else can I go?? Increasingly I am thinking that I'm just gonna have to go with that loveable Scot, Charlie. Y'know, a guy who opposes animal cruelty, believes in free education, thinks that maybe the war in Iraq wasn't a very good idea actually.
go figure.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

low fat living makes me want to die

Y'know how the most vehement anti-smokers are always ex-smokers? well try telling someone who spent 6 years dieting obsessively how many calories there are in something if you REALLY want to piss them off. What is it with neurotic women? If i want to eat a stilton bacon and avocado sandwich and top it off with a bottle of chocolate milk then really, I don't need some obsessive Fat Fighter
telling me to 'ave a bit of dust'.
I work out, I eat healthily and I really don't like people tutting over my shoulder because they don't move their lardasses far enough every day to justify eating something that doesn't have Virtually Fat Free written all over it.
Kids - do you not realise that low fat usually = superhigh sugar?

This should be killed.