Tuesday, November 30, 2004


They eat people. (ok, so maybe not anymore). They play rugby. They walk on fire. And they do the best curry in the Southern Hemisphere. i shit you not, people, if you want a beer and a curry and some serious beach time, Fiji is your bet.
Unexpectedly, Fiji rocks - have met loads of people i already knew, getting a not so killer tan in the crappy unSydney like weather and it is pretty good to be away for a while! tubing, trekking, drinking kava. Man, life's tough.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

date line

So, in the next few days i will be crossing the date line. Plan to stay

that thursday feeling

it's not even 3pm and i am drunk and i love my work buddies they're the bestest thing in the whole wide world.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

the best excuse

so it's back to that whole 'how many euphemisms can you come up with for *man juice*?'.
The BBC have been studying *jizz* and how sticky it is. How do you test for that kind of thing???
Apparently male genital size is directly proportional to female promiscuity. I know all this, because the BBC told me so.
So next time you play away and get caught, flatter his ego and tell him you were doing it for him. Because you want him to be hung like a chimp.

fair trade

So, let's just say that you're a thief. Not some ingenious internet fraud bank transaction guru, but your old school swagbag burglar. Complete with lil black mask and French style stripey 'i just got outta gaol' jersey. And then you manage to get your mitts on 2 million quid's worth of Osbourne gems.
And then you find that they're offering a reward for the safe return of your loot.
Wouldja? Like hell you would! What kind of offer is that?! 100, 000 measly quid for 2m? And all leveraged on some sentimental 'we're hardworking and honest' gaff. Hardworking people don't blow 2m on jewels. No really. There are other things you have to do for that. Just ask La Nadine.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

and the winner is...

Casey Donovan YEAH BABY!
Not at all short or arrogant. Not Ricki Lee either, but hey, life isn't always perfect...

cos i'm leaving, on a jet plane..

Wales. It's gonna be fucking freezing. But, on the plus side, we have a nominally Labour Government. On the downside, Blair is kinda right wing. On the plus side, he just pissed off all the conservative cunt-ry folk by banning fox hunting. On the downside, this is just pre election so they're all gonna vote Conservative.
Just as an asiee, for all the aussies here, i know, i know, you're thinking foxes are vermin. and here, they may be. Non-indigenous platypus killers. But in the UK, they are natural predators, and dammit they are sexy. hence the term 'foxy'. But, despite being threatened and all that, a bunch of red coated ponytouchers' favourite activity of a Sunday afternoon is to ride out with a bunch of dogs, find a fox and rip it to shreds. not to eat. not for the fur. for 'fun'. sadistic thrills because they're not getting it in the bedroom. i digress...
we just banned it!
this just in:
news of legalisation of gay union also in the UK. Apparently going home could be a step in the right direction..

everyone's blogging about it...

Grogblogging went OFF! yeah. turned up to the Clock, cruised for a while looking for nerds... ahem. then got jumped by Darpwith sticky labels.
the rest is... confined to my camera. which i can't upload yet. sorry kids. But hey - Boud tells me that you lot have all pestered him for fruityphoto removal!! pah. didnt even get to see them yet. there is a good one of me and his finger getting down some.
Right. So rock up to pub to find strangers. Get photographed impostering as a panda, humping Moving Pictures, and nibbling underwear of this lady. good times. i met many people, you know who you are, i'm a lazy fuck and can't be arsed to figure out all the links, especially on this PC which is all back to front from my Mac. hell, i don't even know how to do that groovy list of links thing on the sidebar of my page. tips?
if you want actual info, go check out ausculture. Jess rocks.

So that was fun. I now have real live Sydney friends. and i'm leaving IN FIVE DAYS. :(

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

gory fun

Penguins are EVIL and MUST BE KILLED

i got 886.3.
let me how you do!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

something in the water

did i miss the mass inhalation of pheromones or something? what HAPPENED this weekend? you'd think summer had arrived or something. I have had sheepish phonecalls from mates along the lines of 'sorry i wasnt answering my phone over the weekend - i was kinda... busy. only left the house for provisions. hehe.'
and then the slightly more smug
'yeah, i picked up. *cue graphic details of graveyard sex where they don't even know the name of the dead guy whose house they were shaking*'
or just the downright slushy couples getting cosy at newtown festival. Not to mention that woman i happen to be in love with and the guy she happens to be married to.
vomit. yes, i sound bitter. this is because while everyone else is all out for random action, i am just being tortured with a profusion of the most frustratingly graphic erotic dreams of my life.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

more right wing fun...

What is it about right wingers called Miranda?
so Miranda Devine is launching a new book on Thursday. in Gleebooks. in Glebe. Hippy central of Sydney. And this book is all about how public education should be privatised with the Catholic Church being the chief provider. Apparently she's big mates with George Pell, whose kinky bent is all for 10 kinds of Opus Dei masochism. And who said, on November 11
"Democracy is not good in itself. Its value is instrumental and depends on the vision it serves." Yeah.

Aaaaanyway. Why in HELL are Gleebooks allowing her to go there? huh?! i ask you.

just so's you know, there's a picket. come and heckle the xenophobic misogynistic homophobic antisemitic fascists!
Gleebooks (49 Glebe Point Road), 6.30pm, Thurs Nov 18.


Saturday, November 13, 2004

The Edge of Reason

Working Title's latest love affair with Hugh Grant is everything it promised to be: BJ2 is trite, saccharine, lacking in dimension, Ms. Zellwegger's accent is appalling and yet I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. Even the incredibly unrealistic but heartbreaking lesbian (Jacinda Barrett. helloooooooo) and the fact it tramples on every possible feminist value i have come across.
Now ok, i am a snob and never would have even gone to see it had i not been persuaded by a bunch of mates but hell, it's light, pathetic, endearing and has some brilliant comedy (fight scene between Grant and Firth stands out).
Totally necessary for a girly Saturday night. cos life is like that.
RBB say: rocks!

Friday, November 12, 2004


ever felt like you have totally lost control? i don't know if i am still meant to have a job. i don't know where in the world i will be in two weeks. hug me, i'm scared.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

things about peanut butter

There are Facts in life.
Phobia of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth is called “arachibutyrophobia.” 
Peanut butter is a good source of protein, folate (a B-vitamin) niacin, phosphorus and magnesium.

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." Charlie Brown

This is a Fact. Never has a cartoon character spoken with more gravity and truth. But, where do you go from there? If Sun Pat can no longer provide me with comfort in my hour of need, what's next? I tried chocolate ice cream (made me feel sick faster than peanut butter even). I tried seafood and it just didnt hit that spot. I tried getting drunk, but then I have the philanthropic need to send her flowers in celebration of the fact she's so damn beautiful and i am in a good mood and it's all i can do to lie on the floor in a reverie and behave myself. Charlie Brown's no help, with his pithy aphorisms that offer no guidance. How bout "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love, but if you eat a few chilis first, you wouldnt be able to taste anything else anyway, thus negating your need for comfort food and leading you headily back onto the path of the PBJ once more"?
I am sad and out of my comfort zone, stripped of my peanut butter shield. No longer invincible. *sob*

That said, the peanut butter comfort theory has been countered by Calvin and Hobbes.
“If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.”
Battle of the strip cartoonies. Who's right?

Monday, November 08, 2004

like a puppet on a striiiiiiiiiiiing

You learn something new every day. Occasionally it's about yourself. Today I learned (when someone was googling me) that there is a puppet-me.
I particularly like the fact that i have a Monica Lewinsky look'. Very true to life.


It's an ongoing debate: lingerie. I am living with a chick who wears boxers and have been the victim of cruel mockery over my femininity, as expressed by my penchant for small underwear.
So, I put it to you, the people. Pros and cons of granny pants vs thongs (no, this post wasnt just an excuse to put up pics of scantily clad ladies) vs french knickers
(ok, so blatantly it was, but still)
vs commando

(what kind of a site do you think this is?!)

Your opinions please.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

North America

bod mods

I'd like to propose a vote:

to get this as a tattoo or not? just the f holes, not the whole pic, obv.

Think it would rock, but maybe not permanently.

what are your thoughts, people?!


the future's bleak

This morning in my email (as i, red eyed, managed to face the screen) I got this message. One of a few, all reiterating the same message: nobody outside the bubble is celebrating.

"I hope you're doing well. I just got back from Ireland (pretty, but
really, really cold) and made it to the voting booths with only 5
minutes to spare. My state voted for John Kerry. I just want to say
that I'm sorry. For everything. Not all Americans are assholes.
Remember that."

It makes me want to cry. Democracy isn't foolproof and the liberal world is licking its wounds because there is nothing left to hope for in the next four years. Not even for Tony Blair to get ousted - potentially the least contested election out of the 3.
Where do we go from here?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Ms Fits sighting

well.. it happened. She was there. i was there. she was all big hat and red lipstick and I was lowly tech support (for John Safran, which was a whole assload of fun, but that's just namedropping for the hell of it).
I was cueing DVDs and totally busy and when I was done she had... disappeared. Just like that. I barely even got to say hey.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

week of (s)wank

well, it's been fun, away from the computer. and i have discovered yet another face of this city: rich Sydney. This week I have mostly been hanging out in the Premier's suite, Level 41 Governor Macquarie tower. mincing with Frank Sartor (sleazy fuck) and primadonna writers, vodkatonics in Mint and champers at the Opera Bar, passing in the InterContinental, water taxis to Catalina's and finally, a day at the Ginseng Baths.
Be a princess. If you can get your grubby mitts on $100, blow it at the baths. i am deadly serious - you deserve it. First of all i got scrubbed to within a pink inch of my life, pounded, kneaded, bathed in milk and honey (shit you not) , walked on by some Korean chick in a bikini, steamed, plunged and then left wondering where they had put all the bones in my body.
Followed by maximising the sauna dehydration effect with a couple of killer cocktails in The Bourbon.

I could learn to live like this.